ON FAMILY MEETINGS:
On Friday night we held our first-ever Zahn Family Meeting. I've always felt that families who hold family meetings are so, well, organized and democratic and all that and we've just never gotten around to them (which speaks to my lack of organization, and probably democratic-ness, too).
But on Thursday, after "crabbin' out" at the kids for not helping around the house enough, I decided to call a Family Meeting for the following night. I made the announcement to all, including dear husband, that the meeting would take place at exactly 6:30 p.m. after our Previously Scheduled Family Dinner at exactly 6:00 p.m. Just trying to be organized here...
I asked the family members to come up with agenda items. Mine, of course, would be the subject of chores. I also said I would give a Treasurer's Report (a.k.a. "why we haven't paid your allowance since Christmas").
So the appointed hour came and the Meeting commenced. I asked for agenda items. Dad added "Family Fitness" to the list of New Business. Rose wanted to talk about "Food Changes" (after Mom's pronouncement that there would be no.more.picky.eaters around here!). And Elijah's agenda item was "Family Vacations" because he wants to take a trip to China to study Kung Fu and the Martial Arts there (whoa boy!).
First I gave the treasurer's report, explaining that this was an unusual time of year for bills because so many are coming due at once, like the auto insurance, Rose's choir tuition, license tabs for the Honda, the puppy had to be neutered, etc. I explained to the kids that their ($50/month) allowance was the easiest thing NOT to pay right now when money is tight because they couldn't cut off the electricity on us, or lower our credit rating. Bum deal for the kids, I know. But I said we were keeping track of what we owed, that the kids had stated after Christmas they wanted to save their money for some big purchases anyway, and that by mid-February we'd be able to pay them. They seemed okay with it.
So we moved on. We discussed Family Fitness, as dad suggested. He wants us all to be sure we're getting some exercise every day, even in this cold weather. We said we'd been bowling, shooting archery, walking to the library and walking the dog this week. He said fine. I said I'd try to do even more with the kids...we'll see!
After that it was my agenda item, Chores. We made a new plan where everyone has certain jobs they do every day (make bed, clean room, get dressed, make own breakfast by 10 a.m., etc.) and that other jobs will be rotated and shared (feeding the pets and chickens, for one). We've also instituted a "family cleaning hour" on Saturday mornings. For that we divide up the jobs and all spend about an hour cleaning, from 10-11 a.m. because we wouldn't want to start too early, ya know!
For the Food Changes discussion, Rose really wanted to know what would be required since I wasn't allowing picky eaters anymore. Ha ha, this is mainly about her and she knows it! What we ended up doing was asking the kids to make a list of five or more foods they'd be willing to eat for lunch each week and five or more snack foods that work for them. I said that if I approved of those foods, I would be willing to always make sure they're in the pantry or fridge and would work at serving them foods they like IF they will stop complaining and eat what I've made. They're still working on their lists, but I know they're all foods we already eat and where I've got to change is to always make sure we've got turkey meat for Eli and ham for Rose, and homemade pizza crusts or pitas in the freezer for mini-pizzas, or tortillas to go with the refried beans, etc. Sometimes it's the grocery shopping that's not up to par, and it's not the kids fault. Aren't we blessed with all our food choices in this country?
And then it was on to Family Vacations, in which we all listed where we'd like to go and, as a great stalling measure, I gave the kids the task of researching their chosen destinations and how much it would cost to get there. I think it will be a great project for them both. Elijah, as I said, wants to go to China and Rose wants to go to India to see palaces and pretty dresses. I hope to get them started on travel planning soon.
ON CHORES:
We put the new Saturday cleaning hour to work yesterday morning. Elijah chose vacuuming the upstairs, so I encouraged him to "battle the dust bunnies with your giant sucking sword" and he was off.
Rose asked what was easiest and I, honestly, told her the bathroom. Smallest room, least amount of time (and it is easiest to me, and I would've chosen it had she not). She got started in there, trying to quell the ick factor. She said a few times, "mom, this isn't that easy" and "mom, this is taking more than 15 minutes" to which I said, well it's your first time cleaning in there and it will get quicker in the future. She proclaimed when it was over that the bathtub is really much ickier to clean than the toilet, much to her surprise. I said yeah, you're right about that (which is probably why I clean the tub less than the toilet, just pulling the shower curtain closed all the time). Rose was done in 40 minutes, still quicker than the rest of us so then she had to put a few things away.
George got what to me is the hardest job, sweeping and mopping the downstairs floors. He did fine with it except he kept getting distracted. I'd have to say once in a while, "George, what are you doing in the basement? That's not on your job description!" To which he'd answer he's cleaning the toilet or scooping the cat litter. And I'd say, "you're not supposed to be doing that right now. You can't be part of this if you're not going to stick to your job and complete it!" Sheesh, talk about ADHD. He's harder to train than the kids, no doubt, but I'm constantly working on it... (Edited to add: I don't mean to be hard on my husband. Truthfully, I didn't want him to do more cleaning than he had to, to participate in the family time. With his limited time at home, there's other things I'd rather see him doing, like baking and working on projects I can't/won't do. For example, we're still working on the basement and when it's done, I'll post photos! It's looking good.)
Besides, cleaning the basement was a job I'd planned to do. It's my laundry area, after all. My chosen job for yesterday was dusting, relatively easy, but then I did all the "other" jobs too like washing the sheets and putting them back on the beds, picking up things that were out of place, etc., in order to make the other jobs possible. There's always so much "behind the scenes" for Mom to do.
All in all, the Saturday cleaning worked great. I kept thanking the kids and saying no wonder I was tired since it looked like they were working so hard and usually I'm doing it all by myself! It was so nice to spend a Saturday in a clean house.
On Friday night we held our first-ever Zahn Family Meeting. I've always felt that families who hold family meetings are so, well, organized and democratic and all that and we've just never gotten around to them (which speaks to my lack of organization, and probably democratic-ness, too).
But on Thursday, after "crabbin' out" at the kids for not helping around the house enough, I decided to call a Family Meeting for the following night. I made the announcement to all, including dear husband, that the meeting would take place at exactly 6:30 p.m. after our Previously Scheduled Family Dinner at exactly 6:00 p.m. Just trying to be organized here...
I asked the family members to come up with agenda items. Mine, of course, would be the subject of chores. I also said I would give a Treasurer's Report (a.k.a. "why we haven't paid your allowance since Christmas").
So the appointed hour came and the Meeting commenced. I asked for agenda items. Dad added "Family Fitness" to the list of New Business. Rose wanted to talk about "Food Changes" (after Mom's pronouncement that there would be no.more.picky.eaters around here!). And Elijah's agenda item was "Family Vacations" because he wants to take a trip to China to study Kung Fu and the Martial Arts there (whoa boy!).
First I gave the treasurer's report, explaining that this was an unusual time of year for bills because so many are coming due at once, like the auto insurance, Rose's choir tuition, license tabs for the Honda, the puppy had to be neutered, etc. I explained to the kids that their ($50/month) allowance was the easiest thing NOT to pay right now when money is tight because they couldn't cut off the electricity on us, or lower our credit rating. Bum deal for the kids, I know. But I said we were keeping track of what we owed, that the kids had stated after Christmas they wanted to save their money for some big purchases anyway, and that by mid-February we'd be able to pay them. They seemed okay with it.
So we moved on. We discussed Family Fitness, as dad suggested. He wants us all to be sure we're getting some exercise every day, even in this cold weather. We said we'd been bowling, shooting archery, walking to the library and walking the dog this week. He said fine. I said I'd try to do even more with the kids...we'll see!
After that it was my agenda item, Chores. We made a new plan where everyone has certain jobs they do every day (make bed, clean room, get dressed, make own breakfast by 10 a.m., etc.) and that other jobs will be rotated and shared (feeding the pets and chickens, for one). We've also instituted a "family cleaning hour" on Saturday mornings. For that we divide up the jobs and all spend about an hour cleaning, from 10-11 a.m. because we wouldn't want to start too early, ya know!
For the Food Changes discussion, Rose really wanted to know what would be required since I wasn't allowing picky eaters anymore. Ha ha, this is mainly about her and she knows it! What we ended up doing was asking the kids to make a list of five or more foods they'd be willing to eat for lunch each week and five or more snack foods that work for them. I said that if I approved of those foods, I would be willing to always make sure they're in the pantry or fridge and would work at serving them foods they like IF they will stop complaining and eat what I've made. They're still working on their lists, but I know they're all foods we already eat and where I've got to change is to always make sure we've got turkey meat for Eli and ham for Rose, and homemade pizza crusts or pitas in the freezer for mini-pizzas, or tortillas to go with the refried beans, etc. Sometimes it's the grocery shopping that's not up to par, and it's not the kids fault. Aren't we blessed with all our food choices in this country?
And then it was on to Family Vacations, in which we all listed where we'd like to go and, as a great stalling measure, I gave the kids the task of researching their chosen destinations and how much it would cost to get there. I think it will be a great project for them both. Elijah, as I said, wants to go to China and Rose wants to go to India to see palaces and pretty dresses. I hope to get them started on travel planning soon.
ON CHORES:
We put the new Saturday cleaning hour to work yesterday morning. Elijah chose vacuuming the upstairs, so I encouraged him to "battle the dust bunnies with your giant sucking sword" and he was off.
Rose asked what was easiest and I, honestly, told her the bathroom. Smallest room, least amount of time (and it is easiest to me, and I would've chosen it had she not). She got started in there, trying to quell the ick factor. She said a few times, "mom, this isn't that easy" and "mom, this is taking more than 15 minutes" to which I said, well it's your first time cleaning in there and it will get quicker in the future. She proclaimed when it was over that the bathtub is really much ickier to clean than the toilet, much to her surprise. I said yeah, you're right about that (which is probably why I clean the tub less than the toilet, just pulling the shower curtain closed all the time). Rose was done in 40 minutes, still quicker than the rest of us so then she had to put a few things away.
George got what to me is the hardest job, sweeping and mopping the downstairs floors. He did fine with it except he kept getting distracted. I'd have to say once in a while, "George, what are you doing in the basement? That's not on your job description!" To which he'd answer he's cleaning the toilet or scooping the cat litter. And I'd say, "you're not supposed to be doing that right now. You can't be part of this if you're not going to stick to your job and complete it!" Sheesh, talk about ADHD. He's harder to train than the kids, no doubt, but I'm constantly working on it... (Edited to add: I don't mean to be hard on my husband. Truthfully, I didn't want him to do more cleaning than he had to, to participate in the family time. With his limited time at home, there's other things I'd rather see him doing, like baking and working on projects I can't/won't do. For example, we're still working on the basement and when it's done, I'll post photos! It's looking good.)
Besides, cleaning the basement was a job I'd planned to do. It's my laundry area, after all. My chosen job for yesterday was dusting, relatively easy, but then I did all the "other" jobs too like washing the sheets and putting them back on the beds, picking up things that were out of place, etc., in order to make the other jobs possible. There's always so much "behind the scenes" for Mom to do.
All in all, the Saturday cleaning worked great. I kept thanking the kids and saying no wonder I was tired since it looked like they were working so hard and usually I'm doing it all by myself! It was so nice to spend a Saturday in a clean house.
Comments
Just out of curiousity, how old are your children? I really like some of the methods you are employing and plan on using them when mine are a little older. I just want to know how long I have to wait :)
I think it really important for children to have at least a grasp of finances, and to appreciate what it takes to clean a house by being part of the cleaning crew.
We never got an allowance. I had my own money when I earned it, about 13yrs old I think.
VERY organised chook!
Crunchy, my kids are 9 and 11. I did a post on the allowance thing when we first started it. Yes, it is a lot (esp. on our one income!) but it means they have to pay for EVERYTHING they want and we don't consider a need. That includes things like treats at the mall (a rare event), coffee shop, etc. Even when we're with them! That still feels so hard to me because I want to treat them (and sometimes still do), but the point of giving them a large allowance is to show them the real cost of things and have them make decisions/priorities about their wants...Another example is I will buy them secondhand clothing, i.e. the best coat I can find at the thrift store, but if they want something new or "better" they have to pay for it themselves. I also will buy them one pair of new sneakers (spring and fall) and one pair of winter boots and summer sandals. If they want more, they buy. My daughter cares much more about the clothing/shoes than my son!
I will try to find my allowance post and link to it. I got the idea from one of Mary Hunt's "Cheapskate" books.
As they get older, they'll (hopefully) get even bigger allowances and be paying for more things they need, as well. And things like sports, classes, etc. And as they get jobs, they'll be expected to pay for more still.
And thanks for the compliment to my parenting. I wish it was as easy to carry out in real life as it is to write about it on the blog! I'm glad to share ideas, though, as I get so many good ones from all of your blogs, too.
We are also going through the chores ritual at the homestead. Thanks for the comments on the new member. He is a great dog, very mellow and loving. Really likes the kids and has already grown very attached to us.
Devin
I kept a blog last year for the 7 months that my family (including two kids, 6 and 8 at the time) lived in China. Maybe Elijah would be interested in looking back through it--there are lots of pictures--and he might enjoy some of the stories of kids about his age living somewhere so different.
http://www.arnoldsinchina.blogspot.com/
Arienne
And Devin, I'm so happy you got such a good dog! Can't wait to meet him.
In the spring and summer, we mowed, raked, edged, planted, pulled weeds, and did anything else that we could help with outside.
I raised my kids the same way.
Sounds like you got it all going on, sister ;)
Gracie
It's funny you mention how "formal" the meeting was. I didn't plan that, just when we sat down I decided to do it that way because we didn't know how else to start. I've been on too many church and preschool boards, can you tell? And the kids really got into the "formal" parts, adding their agendas and stuff. I figured it was another way for them to learn about life. We didn't do Roberts Rules or anything, though!
I've always thought that regular housework shouldn't be tied to an allowance, mostly because I want my kids to see that housework is both a necessity and (at least *can* be) enjoyable. I'd rather pay them for extra work, not what needs to happen normally. Do you have any thoughts on that?
We just started saving our pennies in a jar for a trip to Mexico. Besides really wanting to go, it seemed like a good way to show our little ones about saving, and patience!
I would love to do a cleaning hour. Once in a while we all just sort of get into a groove (at least the adults do) and lots gets done in a short time, so I know it works.
As for allowance, we pay Zeb $1 per yr old every week (right now he makes $9 a week, except I pay him $20 every two weeks - it's easier to take out of the ATM and it's kinda like "interest" for waiting). He has grandparents that will pay him for chores around their house too, if he needs the extra money.
We don't tie allowance to chores though. I view helping out around the house as something we all do cuz it needs to be done and not done for any reward other than having a nice house. That means if we skip chores (I've been known to) he still gets his allowance. It also means if we can't afford to pay him he doesn't get out of chores. ;)
It works well for us. Zeb unloads the dishwasher, puts his own clothes away (his room = his domain so no cleaning except for putting away clothes for my sake), handles the trash and recycling once a week and cleans up the dog's area. Anything else is my job or Zeb will help with but not do alone. Since Justin works I avoid giving him any jobs, except those I need his physical help on (big outdoor projects usually).
Having a working rhythm really helps though. Glad you guys are finding your own!
~Tara
I love the topics the kids came up with, too. If y'all come down to visit, we have plenty of edible variety in Houston to expose Rose to. That's one of the things we cherish most: Tex-Mex, Indian, Thai, South American, Greek... :od
Maybe the diversity could include some Kung Fu lessons for Eli as well. ;o)
Great post. Great mama.
So your husband is ADD? Mine, too! Do either of your kids have it? I haven't started posting about ADD yet, but I maybe will someday. It will take a lot of energy to express my thoughts in ways that are respectful, but reveal the situation honestly. And I do love and respect Mr. H very very much. See? Already I'm having to clarify!
-JJ